Oct 2, 2006

Back

I don't really know how to feel. I'm not so pretty sometimes. I have lost sight in this past week. But brought back now to realize that when I lose sight, that's when I lose joy. And I don't ever want to lose my joy, and have a day when I can't smile and I couldn't sing.

After I wrote the last entry, I was wandering through one of my notebooks and found a folded up piece of paper in between the pages. I can't write out here what was on it, but it stopped me dead in my pitying myself. It was something I wrote. I don't remember when and I don't remember why. I guess you could call it a confession. A confession of submission... letting go. A willingness to give up trying to know why, and trying to carry a load I wasn't meant to. To just be held. And to simply, simply trust. There couldn't be any more than that peace when I am in that place, that blessed, blessed peace.

O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled
as to console;
to be understood as to understand;
to be loved as to love.

St Frances of Assisi

1 comment:

Jessie said...

Don't ever lose your joy, your smile. Just being able to know you in the really strange way we've known each other the last few years has helped me to be a person that I like better. The world needs more people like you! And I'm still praying...