Held

Yesterday was cold. Cold and rainy. We were going to go to the Wednesday meeting at church for once. I didn't want to go. NLCS Game 1. You know me. But I needed to go, so I did. We started out and 10 minutes down the road came to the intersection there, and there were about 6 or 7 cars parked, on the side of the road and in the grass. Slowing down, we saw the underneath of a mini van down in the ravine where it had toppled and was now lying, halfway on its side and halfway on its top. There were no police cars or ambulances or anything there yet. So we stopped. We had to. How can you pass by? My mum got out, and hurried over to find out what was going on. She came back a few minutes later, took the blankets that were in the car and told everyone else to stay in. So we could only watch until the authorities finally came and they started getting the passengers out and away. They were only children. I could see one little boy, the first one they pulled out, carried to the ambulance on a stretcher. I couldn't hear him. I couldn't do anything but sit there getting wet from the rain coming through my open window. I would only have been in the way. But there is something in you that wants to do something, to do good and help. And something else that wants to stay where you are safe, where you don't have to see.

She told me later the driver of the van was a 16 year old girl, permit driver probably. Didn't stop at the stop sign for some reason and a passing truck slammed into them, spinning around and sending them down the ditch. 7 people in the van, the two parents, I think, and the rest children. The mom was in shock and only said Was I driving, was I driving... oh god, I've killed my children. There was blood all over in the van, Mum said. Parents were both in shock, some of the children had head damage and were unconscious, the driver included, and the other children all had broken legs and arms. Little arms and legs. I didn't want to ask God why. I only thanked Him. For no one was killed.

They were landing the helicopters to take them away when we left. It was too late to go to church then, so we turned around and went home. The game was cancelled due to rain in New York. No one here felt much like cheering anyway. It was freezing in the house all night, or at least it seemed that way to me. Shivering all night, and I didn't even have my window open for once. I couldn't fall asleep for thinking again, so I prayed once more for them all. I'm still praying today. I don't know any of those people, not even their names, but I trust it to God that they will be all right. How fragile we are. There's this big world and there's us, little people. So small. There are those who simply don't see that and some of their problems will seem insurmountable to them, because to those people there is nothing higher, nothing more important than their lives. And there are those who do sense it, and it will fill them with fear; fear of what can and might happen. And then there are those who truly see one thing. That yes, we are small. Yes, this world is big. But there is something sure and it is that God is big too. Bigger. Grander. More. You know the hymn "Blessed Assurance, Jesus is Mine"? I am blessed and assured. For He is mine, but more importantly, that I am His. There is the rock that is higher than I. In that place, there is no fear.

I am His. I am held.