Sep 26, 2006

September evening

I hardly know what to say, being so overwhelmed with the angels that I call my friends. Every prayer, word, and thought about my family is appreciated more than you can know. I am blessed beyond belief. We're going to be alright.

Going to class in about an hour, but right now looking out the windows at Missouri September. I hope it gets cold again soon, so all the trees start changing. A few have. One of the silver maples on the drive, the one that's still a baby is all dressed up fiery red. The one across from it was planted at the same time and grew faster and bigger, but it's still green and doesn't hold a candle to that red. Then there's a tree pretty near the house that I think may be an ash, but don't know enough about trees to be sure. But I know it's turned the most brilliant yellow, the only other tree to change that much yet around here. I climbed it today for no reason at all (barefootin'!) and it was the cheeriest place in the world then, sun on golden leaves. Flash thought I was very odd, smiling down at him from up there, and dropping leaves on him, one by one. Not everybody understands everything, you know.

George Gershwin's birthday today. The words to the last song he ever wrote have been going through my mind all day.

It's very clear
Our love is here to stay
Not for a year
But ever and a day

Sep 20, 2006


How is it? asked him. Not good, he says. He's always tired now and sometimes his breathing comes hard, with so much coughing...
with every one my heart aches a bit and asks why him? I would carry it for him and whatever else it is too... that he would breathe great big breaths of wonderful air, and smile a lot, and that he would be close. You have to teach me still -- teach me to hit the other way, teach me to be strong like you but not afraid to cry, teach me the simple answer to my thousand questions, and how it's not doing things that's important but most of all believing things.

We all have to hold on to believing things.

oh hold on.

Sep 9, 2006

Kayla came on a walk down the road with me a few days ago, and we talked about the most lovely things that we want. How she thought it would be so neat to have a grove of little trees, "like that one" there, and a little house in the middle for some exotic animals to live in and around and we'd let the tigers out sometimes but make sure they don't eat the nearby cows. (I don't know where she gets this stuff but I wouldn't trade listening to it for all the kingdoms in the world.) And how she wanted to fly in an airplane some time above the clouds to see what it's like and I said I'd love that too, but mentally thought who needs a plane? And how when it's winter and snowed we're going to explore everywhere around here that we haven't been. Especially those woods over here and that little broken down shack over there. Why when it's winter, you ask? Because there's no bugs, snakes, or poison ivy to hinder and exploring is best when wearing hats and scarves or don't you know anything. I can't remember ever looking forward to winter as I do now. Thanks to some inspiration from friends and the company of a little girl.

Happy autumn.