I couldn't help but fall in love with him. Before I was a thought in his mind, I was loving him and I know when we met, he smiled. It was so long ago. For me he had a tiny name and a hug when he said I looked like a little angel in my dress. I didn't forget - daughters do not.

We have not spoken for three days now and I say inside myself that no matter what hurt there is, I have the father I was meant to have -
when I do not understand, I remember how much I love his eyes when he smiles and his face when he sings.

One more thing about a horse

Annie seeks the barn as soon as a drop falls - but to Missy the Rain is as welcome and natural as the sun.

At the barn in the morning

Missy made faces until I smiled, rubbed my nose with hers when I sighed, and let me cry in her mane until all our hair was entangled.

Misty morning

Another humid, beautiful day.

my fondness for simplicity

Am I always this excited about blackberries? This year I have watched them changing from blossoms to green hard things that deepen to red and waited for them to soften to Violet blacks, and on every walk I go by these or those or find an exciting new patch and stop to see when. I guess I do get this anticipation every summer. It's a simple feeling. There's no reason for it. I don't even like them that much. But there is something about pulling on tall boots and running to the woods and field edges to get berries and possibly your 1326th case of poison ivy that just makes me sing.

Morning wa(l)king

I saw the sun ascend the trees, I saw the chicory blink wide, I saw the bees go to work, and I woke up.

Monday Part Two

Still freezing. I will go outside this time. The rain yawned today and passed over like the Angel of lights or was it death? A woman dying in the News makes me troubled, but when I walk the dwindling sunlight filters through my head and shadows narrow. angels whisper. I think I will most certainly delete this post as well. I think if I say that it will convince me to leave it because I was never one to follow up. But I always leave my decisions for tomorrow. Sunrise walking tomorrow. stay tuned to watch me sleep until 10. I'm off.

Monday

It's summer now, has been, and I'm still cold. Before I was always the one asking is it burning up in here or just me, and evidently it was the latter or else the universal thermometer inexplicably shot down - actually that is true, at least for the inside of my house thanks to its AC-crazed inhabitants, of which I will have no part; anyway, now I crank up and crack open the oven and stand near it until I thaw out, which is ridiculous because I could just go out into the 90 degree hazy sunshine but see, if I start to go I won't come back, at least not in time to get to where I don't need to be, so the oven it is. What a nice run-on.

Dear Lord, I wish it would storm today so I can stand in the garden mud with my boots on and then take them off and my hat too, and get in lots of trouble later tracking barefeet prints through the house, Amen.

[Rest assured, recent trends say a %76 chance I shall delete this post soon enough. ]

Just enough

K and I are the ones who always have preferred to have our noses in books, rather than our eyes on television. But on one occasion we were watching together and Deal or No Deal was on; a game show which, incidentally, exasperates me to no end. The contestant had just greedily passed up an enormous amount of money, in hope for even more. And K and I had the following tete-a-tete:

C: That guy is an idiot. $70,000? That's a lot of money.

K: (complacently) It's enough to build a treehouse, I guess.

And that was that.

Viewpoint

Once, while lying on the Roof I saw the whole World, every person on it and how exactly it all was spinning. Turning. I had never before seen it as clearly as I did then and I haven't since, but the awareness lingers.

The calm of Knowing

May 26. In weak declination, I could not keep pace with the storms today. But perhaps it was for me the Rains soon gentled to whispers... before we go... so I took my hat, and my Wellies took me afield. There I was well, the green reaching my waist brushing fingertips keeping me sure. Discovered daisies and all the field flowers filled my hands as the east-bound Thunder rolled slowly overhead; I lifted my face to catch the last Rain.

We have an understanding

I get the comfort of company

He gets rummaging rights.

I left my heart on 88 Key Street

She twice invited me to play. Still I would not have, in fear of imposing, timid in that house where everything dwarfed me and I was so easily lost. But I went to see it. The gleaming grand Piano in the towering grand room. And I was more afraid than before. So beautiful. How could I touch that? But I did, I was, I was touching one key - and another - and I sat; and at the Piano I forgot everything I did not want to remember. I am not afraid. I could have played for the Queen on that Piano. Because everything resounding from those strings would be beautiful. Even the wrong notes would fit in and become right.

I only know that it was daylight when I came there, and when I touched a last, perfect note that did not seem mine, the night had fallen and soft lights were lit. Last night I fell in love with a Piano. And it almost seems like the first time that has happened.

And begin again.

The last time I was on this blog I deleted almost half of it, continuing in a recent mode of being unhappy with myself.

I will be better.

Gone walking

High time for Hay

From field walking... click for full size.

Blue moon

"And when I looked the moon had turned to gold."