I thought I should say

The regular compyooter has been dead for quite a while. The Paterfamilias is Home Depot shopping and I am borrowing his, in this small neatly cluttered office that is hidden below the floorboards and forbidden to all but the reckless. The Princess Goddess Divine is on the floor next to me staring disdainfully at a blue chew bone which apparently is not what served as her entertainment in the great pens from whence she cometh. Now she is sitting with her back to the door and blinking meditatively in my direction. Even more recently she has taken up sighing, as if to say quite gleefully if I pee there'll be hell you know. Dogs should never be given names that are longer than Tolstoy's War and Peace and if they are they shouldn't find out about it. I've always held that's why Flash is so lovely and simple. Today it was about 140 degrees with unbreathing humidity hanging over the fields and I found him retreated into the lilac bush so I took him to the pond. We like the pond. I let a highway turtle go into the pond a few days ago. Before that I'd told Mum, Mum, I've got a turtle here in a box I'm bringing home and she said oh Christina you don't need a turtle, you're going to college apparently not comprehending I did not intend on keeping him and for the love of God what does that have to do with anything anyway. I laughed and cried. I never thought I would be frightened of August and feel propelled forward by every day and thrown into every tomorrow. I'm not afraid but I'm scared and I don't want to. Be anything or go anywhere else I mean. Not yet.