May 16, 2008

I am here I swear I am. I only hide.

This happened. I wanted to run away but it was too cold. There were no words for why and I wanted to know more than anyone else. I fell and found my fault and now so suddenly it's yesterday. I didn't write because there was more than could ever be said.

It feels simple that no grief comes now. It feels right to open my hand. And yet my heart is not strong so I asked, hold me. I am ready now. Let go, and go.

You don't have to understand this, the only ones who know or try are the angel of smiles, the boy who sits near me and the one who held my face in her hands. They are enough.

So. My voice still shakes. So?

It has still been raining in Missouri until today. So, so green are all of us and the rivers well from our souls. I don't care, flood me away. Here is peace now. The sun becomes perfect at 7:21 pm and I walk a little at times when there is no other thing to do which is never. I am working and working and most times in a way I can't understand I remember to be funny in the day and then comes night, I become small, see golden things. Transude brokenness, drifts of sunlight in my soul and how uncertain it is to have so little sadness.

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