Apr 28, 2008

In my father's office there are many rooms

They are each about 8' x 8' and if you stand up you can see over them to fluorescence, more grey, stray floating particles of boredom. How many, probably a million, little heads all bowed over machines pretending to be important, not wishing, not wanting. Outside there is sun and the rain is still dripping from the roof. I think in here they are all little boys and girls, missing. At least, missed.

I know now why he would smell foreign when he came home from the office, foreign and strangerly when I found I must be shy. But I wondered which was my da's real smell, this or scent of Saturdays, the one that came deep from the very middle of his chest when after the day in the workshop or field I could hold my head there for a moment. Sawdust, hay, and salt and rain. Don't breathe. don't move. don't stay.

Warm and storms bringing cold, two deaths in the Family, sleeping, waking. This art of carving time. Crying and clowning. I was away and now I'm here.
Right now while I am not contemplating my mind in this place I am studying for my Incoming Theory Proficiency Assessment exam which I will take in 3 hours. And my head is comfortable, crammed. It's all so easy it's all so not, complex simple, smooth deep alphabet of this language becoming more natural than what you call speech.

major mazurka measure mediant melodic melody meter metronome mezzo minor moderato mode modulate music music music


Aethelflaed said...

Good luck!

runnerfrog said...

Would like to have a "proficiency in Theories", just like that; but the world doesn't care about the same that runnerfroggie does...
Oh, well! what's a PhD anyway but a proficiency in theories! I suddenly changed my mind.

Christina said...

thank you, Jessie! I passed with flying colours, which were of course black and white but I didn't mind. But if I could only decipher the latest comment from Argentina, I would be a true genius,
or insane, or both.

Aethelflaed said...

I think you have to be insane to be a true genius. Unfortunately, or maybe fortunately, I haven't quite reached that level of insanity yet. I'm still at "off kilter" level.

runnerfrog said...

Oh, it's just that I let here my encoded messages for the delivery guy of the chinese restaurant. Don't want anyone to intercept my food delivery.
That was my lo mein and fried tofu with mushroom gravy.